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Friday, December 31, 2004

Fearless and Meaningless

Who will play in Super Bowl XXXIX?

Buffalo and Carolina.
Happy New Year -and Coach- for the Nuggets

The Nuggets' new coach, Michael Cooper, will coach his first game tonight as Denver takes on the Philadelphia 76er's in the Pepsi Center.

My prediction: The Nuggets win big as the Coop-a-loop honeymoon begins.
Happy New Year -and Coach- for the Nuggets

The Nuggets' new coach, Michael Cooper, will coach his first game tonight as Denver takes on the Philadelphia 76er's in the Pepsi Center.

My prediction: The Nuggets win big as the Coop-a-loop honeymoon begins.
Flashback II

(Originally published in the Spring of 1999 in the Guilford Sports Journal, a now defunct monthly out of Greensboro, N.C.)

I heard the local radio sports jocks on that station out of Raleigh gnashing their teeth and rendering their garments the other day. Why? Elton Brand is going pro. Duke’s record of never losing an underclassmen has been broken. One said that the lustre of the Duke uniform has been dulled by Brand’s decision. Civilization is ending. What a bunch of hogwash.

All the arguments against college players leaving school early boil down to one point: selfishness.

And I do not mean that of the player. I mean ours. We, as college hoops fans, feel deprived when a great collegiate player goes pro and leaves us behind. Our own selfishness is the only reason any of us have for decrying such a decision.

Nevertheless, we come up with some high sounding ideas about why a player should stay in college.

1. He owes something to the school. He got a four year scholarship and should stay for four years.

Let’s look at the numbers. According to Duke University’s website, yearly tuition at Duke’s School of Arts and Sciences for the year 1997-1998 was $21,550. Expenses, including fee’s, books, room and board, bring the total to $29,096. Duke makes that back before the first commercial break. On radio. Against Marathon Oil.

That is not much of an exaggeration. In 1997, Duke, like each ACC school, got $360,000 from the four day ACC tournament alone. Using the egalitarian approach, let’s assume each of the 12 scholarships available to Duke was responsible for 1/12 of Duke’s share. That break’s down to $30,000 a scholarship in revenue for four days. Elton Brand is a bargain at $29,096 a year.

These numbers do not even begin to scratch the surface of the total amount of cash Duke basketball brings to Duke University. Each school in the ACC got $625,000 from the NCAA Tournament in 1997. Don’t forget to include the sale of Duke jerseys, Duke t-shirts, Duke bumper stickers and Go To Hell Carolina merchandise. From here, it appears Duke owes Elton something, not the other way around.

2. He’s not ready for the NBA.

I have heard this on sports radio and from John Feinstein, Duke alum and journalist. Well, if the guys in the NBA are willing to pay Elton, I guess he is ready. As dumb as we may think NBA general managers are, they are the best in the world at what they do. If Elton is getting solid advice about his draft position, then his future employers think he is ready. Does anyone else matter?

All first round picks in the NBA get a guaranteed contract. Even if he is the biggest NBA bust since Sam Bowie, Elton Brand should be financially set for life. If he sets aside $1million of his first year bonus, he can live off $100,000 a year interest until he dies. If he plans correctly, he can even endow a teaching position or a scholarship at Duke. Will all those who want him to stay in school give him a room in their house if he tears up a knee or gets in a car wreck next year?

3. He will miss out on those great college years.

I spent seven years in college (and almost got a degree.) They were great years. However, if someone had offered me millions of dollars to leave to do something legal, the frat house door would not have hit me in the rear. I would mark homecoming on my calendar and come back and visit. Elton can do the same.

4. He should get his degree.

Why? People go to college to get a job or otherwise contribute something to society. Elton has a job lined up. He can go back and get his degree just like Michael Jordan did. On a side note, I am sure Jordan’s geography degree has come in handy. He certainly has been places.

All the arguments against going pro might have some legitimacy if they were applied consistently. They are not.

Major League Baseball drafts hundreds of kids out of high school every year and signs them to professional contracts. Where is the outcry? There is none.

Do we not have the same concern for young baseball players? Sure we do. But no one gets bragging rights at the office cooler if Duke shuts out Carolina in a baseball game.

Elton Brand is going pro. Let’s smile and congratulate the young man.

Thursday, December 30, 2004

He has been reading the papers.

I gave a homeless guy a dollar yesterday, and he rebuked me for being stingy.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Flashback I

Originally published the last week of December 2002, in the now defunct ESP Magazine (an alternative weekly serving the Greensboro, High Point and Winston-Salem area. Rest in peace).

Holiday Television


One might think that professional communicators would be very familiar with their Mother Tongue. It is not so.

The Inigo Montoya "I Do Not Think That Word Means What You Think It Means" Award.

Former Notre Dame head coach Bob Davie gets the coveted "Inigo" for his description of New Mexico’s "3-3-5" defense during ESPN’s broadcast of the Las Vegas Bowl on Christmas Day.

After saying the defense was "en vogue" and listing almost ten schools that run the defensive formation, he capped his description by saying "it’s a unique defense."

All I can say to that is "INCONCEIVABLE!"

Coach, if more than one school runs it, it ain’t unique.

"Unique" must have been on Coach Davie’s "2002 Word-A-Day" calendar, because he continued to use it. Incorrectly.

Moments after describing New Mexico’s defense, Coach Davie described a particular play as "very unique."

"Unique" means "one of a kind." Coach Davie must have seen a play that was VERY one-of-a-kind. Inconceivable.

From the Department of Repetitive Redundancy. Steve Levy, welcoming viewers to ESPN’s second Christmas Day bowl game: "Welcome to the first ever inaugural ConAgra Foods Hawaii Bowl."


Wrangler. If there is anything more annoying than the misuse of words by people who should know better, it is the misuse of music by advertisers who just don’t give a damn.

Wrangler Jeans is running a spot where they equate wearing their pants with being a good American. Okay, that’s fine, even if a bit crass.

But the song they use to demonstrate this equation is "Fortunate Son" by Creedence Clearwater Revival. John Fogerty, the man who was CCR, sold the rights to the songs he wrote long ago, so he is not the one that sold the song to Wrangler.

If Fogerty were dead, and he’s not, he’d be generating enough torque in his casket to power the Las Vegas strip and all ten schools that run the unique "3-3-5" defense.

The commercial shows people with nice asses wearing Wranglers while the song’s guitar lick plays. The commercial then shows an American flag flapping in the sun while Fogerty sings
"Some folks are born made to wave the flag,Ooh, they're red, white and blue."

The insinuation is that wearing Wranglers, being born made to wave the flag, and being red, white and blue all go together and are all good things.

But Fogerty’s lyrics don’t mean that at all.

The song continues, but the commercial does not,
"It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no senator's son, son.It ain't me, it ain't me; I ain't no fortunate one, no."

The song is not about being a flag-waving patriot. The song is about hiding behind patriotism for personal gain. The song is about hypocrisy.

Perhaps the song is appropriate after all.

Subway. On a lighter note, Subway sandwich shop is running a spot where two hot blondes, obviously close to one another, each orders her favorite sandwich.

They both want their sandwich spicy. One of them explains, very helpfully, "because we like it hot."

Maybe it’s just me, but she says this a little too seductively to just be making conversation with the unseen sandwich maker behind the counter.

Next up to the counter is a handsome man. He simply says, "I’ll have what they are having," and throws a glance their way. The hot babe with the saucy haircut, not to mention the hot sandwich, is caught in midchew but still manages to give him a little flirty nod and a coquettish smile.

That nod and smile speak pages. We all know what happens next, but the commercial comes to an end and leaves the unspoken truth unsaid, and, unfortunately, unseen.

The advertisers are telling us that Subway is a good place to pick up hot, bisexual babes. If you order the right sandwich, your desert is recreational sex with two sexy blondes.

I’m ready for a sandwich right now.

Diamonds. There is a jewelry commercial running where a man and a woman are in an exotic European location. They are in a public square, and the man embarrasses the woman by yelling "I love this woman!" several times very loudly.

Her embarrassment quickly subsides when he whips out a huge diamond ring. She is overcome with love. She hugs the guy and says, quietly, "I love this man."

The message? Even loud, obnoxious guys can get an attractive woman to love him if he has enough money.

This, of course, is a sad truth. It also explains why a certain loud and obnoxious writer is currently getting divorced, but, once again, I digress.

The moral of these spots? Sandwiches equal sex, money equals love.

Coors Light. Coors Light is running a series of very popular and effective commercials. One of them shows a bunch of good-looking young people having all kinds of fun at all hours of the day and night in all kinds of locations. Drinking Coors Light.

I can appreciate a good time for the sake of a good time with the best of them, but one guy in this commercial needs a big gangsta-slap upside his beer-addled head.

This is the guy who thinks it is a hoot to climb up on the kitchen sink, grab the spray nozzle, and turn it on his fellow party goers in the kitchen.

Sorry, dude, but your party is over.

Somebody has to clean that mess up, and when that time comes I bet you’ll be singing "it ain’t me, it ain’t me," and trying to catch a ride to Subway for breakfast.

Before that time, I’m confiscating your water gun and kicking your can-can-can out the door.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Obituary: Susan Sontag and Jeff Bzdelik's Career.

Susan Sontage has passed away. She was 71.

According to the Associated Press, she was a "writer and intellectual."

Is "intellectual" an actual job?

The AP further described her as an "author, activist and self-defined 'zealot of seriousness' whose voracious mind and provocative prose made her a leading intellectual of the past half century."

Wow, I hope my obit is half as pretentious as this one.

As great as she may have been, the only thing I know about her I learned from Crash Davis in Bull Durham.

He believed "that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap."

Sorry, Susan. But Crash is probably correct. Anyone who refers to herself as a "zealot of seriousness" is a little self-indulgent and mostly likely full of crap.

Best wishes in your death.
Speaking of death, Jeff Bzdelik's career as a head coach has been extinguished by Kiki Vandeweghe.

Now, let's get a shooting guard.

Monday, December 27, 2004

Nuggets Lose Again and Need a Two Guard.

This time, Denver falls 104-101 on the road in Oakland to the Golden State Warriors.

The Nuggets were without their two best players, Carmelo Anthony and Kenyon Martin.

However, neither Melo nor K-Mart are known for their three-point shooting. The lack of a long distance shooter lost this game for the Nuggets.

Ever since Voshon Lenard went down for the season on opening night, the Nuggets have been without a consistent long range threat.

Greg Buckner has been a great defensive two-guard, but his forte is not his shot.

Early Boykins and Andre Miller sometimes play the two, but both are point guards, neither is a true shooter.

The best three-point shooter on the team is small forward Rodney White.

Rodney made the Nuggets' only two three-pointers in tonight's game. He hit both in the final 20 seconds during desperation time.

Not counting the final 20 seconds, the Nuggets were 0-7 from beyond the arc. Do the math. If Denver hits one more three-pointer, they have a shot to win in overtime.

The Warriors, by contrast, were 8-21 on three-point attempts.

Kiki Vandeweghe needs to bring in an offensive shooting guard. The Nuggets do not have one.
In addition to the lack of success from behind the three-point line, Denver had little success from the one-point line. The Nuggets shot 11-20 from the free throw line. That's 55%.
The Warriors made 24-35. That's 69%.
Denver is now in tenth place in the Western Conference. Only the top eight make the playoffs.
The losing streak is at six.
According to Nuggets' play by play man Jerry Schemmel, both Melo and K-Mart are expected to play Friday night when Denver returns to the Pepsi Center to play the Philadelphia 76er's on New Year's Eve.

Unless Kiki makes a deal soon, the Nuggets will still be without an outside shooting threat.
Dallas at Denver, The Day After Christmas.
Notes from the Mavericks-Nuggets game Sunday night.


You do not hear much about the NBA’s female officials any more. They must be doing a satisfactory job.

There was a female ref at the Pepsi Center last night. If it weren't for her long pony tail, no one would have noticed.


Nuggets’ mascot Rocky did a little ballet during a break in the action. The mountain lion with lightning for a tail wore a tutu. He danced and did a little work on a balance beam. The performance ended dramatically when Rocky fell off the beam with his legs astraddle the apparatus.

The public address announcer let us all know we had just witnessed the "Nutcracker."

You can’t get that level of humor just anywhere, folks.


During the Kiss Cam segment, analyst Scott Hastings kissed his Altitude co-hort and play-by-play man Chris Marlowe. The crowd laughed heartily.

On January 9, 2005, the Nuggets host the Houston Rockets. January 9 is also Elvis' birthday. According to the PepsiVision, the Nuggets and the Pepsi Center invite you to dress up as Elvis for that game.


With exactly 2:00 on the clock before halftime, Kenyon Martin grabbed on offensive rebound, got fouled and made a tough shot. One of the male refs said the foul took place before the shot.
The Nuggets got neither the two points nor any free throws since they weren't in the bonus yet.
The rules permit the defense to benefit in this situation.
Hockey has a delayed penalty. Soccer allows the offense to “play-on” even if it has been fouled as long as it has an advantage on the play.

Perhaps the NBA should borrow the delayed penalty from hockey. The NHL isn’t using it right now.


With a 52-43 halftime lead, the Nuggets hit the lockerrom and the Nuggettes took the court. The Nuggettes danced to Pat Benatar’s Heartbreaker. They wore all black. They showed cleavage. I love the Nuggettes.


In what must have made the Nuggets’ liability carrier nervous, Rocky let a group of fans out on the court to jump off the mini-tramp, set at the free throw line, and try to dunk. There was a large mat under the hoop, but it would have been easy to imagine someone hitting his head on the rim and leaving a tooth in the net.

No one was hurt, and one young man actually made a dunk.

I’m not saying Altitude’s halftime host, Jerome Jerenovich, is scrawny, but he always looks like he is wearing his dad’s dress shirt.

That's Still a Rule?
With 6:11 to go in the third, the Mavericks were called for a three-second lane violation. It was the first time an NBA official called such a violation since the players wore canvas shoes.

The Nuggets have added Snoop’s “Drop It Like It’s Hot” to the musical rotation during play. Carmelo leads the team in turnovers, with an average of 3.73 a game. Let's take that song out of the rotation when Melo returns to the court.

The View From Dallas
Eddie Sefko, of the Dallas Morning News, notes “the Nuggets’ 6-1 record in games decided by six points or fewer. That’s a good sign that coaching isn’t the problem.”


The Mav’s Dirk Nowitzki is, by far, the best 7-foot German in the league. The Mav’s Shawn Bradley is, by far, the worst 7-foot-6 Mormon in the league.
Elektra Was Dead.

During the Shaq-Fu Kobe matchup on Christmas Day, ABC showed multiple commercials for the new Jennifer Garner movie Elektra.

Correct me if I’m wrong, Sandy, but didn’t Elektra die in DareDevil? I don’t mean like Kris Kristofferson’s character Whistler died in the first Blade, but died like James Caan’s Sonny in The Godfather.

In the original Blade, we just assumed Whistler was dead. It was near the end of the movie, he was really in a bad situation, and we heard a gunshot that we assumed ended Whistler’s life. In the second movie, we learn Whistler was kept alive by the Vampires as a source of blood. Okay, I can live with that.

In The Godfather, however, we see Sonny take a billion bullets on the causeway, the movie continues and we know Sonny ate the big cannoli. James Caan was not in the Godfather II.

Likewise, we see Colin Farrell’s character, Bullseye, kill Elektra. We saw it with own eyes. Of course, DareDevil didn’t see it with his own eyes, but he sure as heck felt it with his super-senses.

I don’t know how they will explain her resurrection.

Perhaps Patrick Duffy will come out of the shower at the beginning of the movie and we find out that the entire DareDevil movie was a dream.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Gotta Be the Shoes.

Marc J. Spears, the Denver Post's NBA writer, reports that

Nuggets forward Carmelo Anthony will wear red, white and blue Jordan Jumpman
shoes during the All-Star weekend in Denver. ...

At this rate, Melo may be wearing them around his house and not on the court at the Pepsi Center.

In early returns, Melo is fifth in the Western Conference voting. Karl Malone is fourth and Karl ain't even playing this year.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

A Very Kobe Christmas

It is Christmas Day in L.A. as the Miami Heat play the Los Angeles Lakers on ABC.

One might have thought Vince McMahon was promoting this basketball game the way ABC hyped it: The Return of Shaq-Fu to Exact Vengeance on His Nemesis Kobe! Today at 1:00!

During the pregame hype, Al Michaels and Hubie Brown played up the soap opera angle, then showed the entrance of Hollywood stars like Dustin Hoffman, Renee Zellweger, Larry David and Samuel L. Jackson.

During a tease for a halftime interview with Shaq, I could’ve sworn I heard the Diesel say “if you don’t like me, there must be something wrong with you.”

I like that. I’m going to adopt that as my new slogan.

During player introductions, Shaq was cheered loudly while Kobe stood and clapped for his former teammate.

Once the Heat were introduced, ABC tried to show the video package playing on the StaplesVision hanging over the court. For a second I thought I was watching Denver's local Altitude Sports and Entertainment Network, as the video playing in the arena came across on television as indecipherable flashes of light in a dark building.

I then realized that ABC was not broadcasting this game in HDTV. Even Altitude does that for Nuggets games, but ABC fails to break out the good cameras for SHAQ-FU’S RETURN FOR VENGEANCE!

What are you saving the High-Definition cameras for, guys? Poker? A new reality show?

In a surprising move, the Los Angeles public address announcer introduced the Lakers’ coach as Rudy Tomjanovich. I guess Kobe gave his approval for that designation today.

Al Michaels then hyped the ritual pre-tip-off handshake between each team as if he thinks Shaq just might pick Kobe up and pile drive him on the Laker’s logo at halfourt. Shaq did not.

ABC will replay the greeting between Shaq and Kobe - in slow motion, no less - about 719 times before the end of the game. (I lost count after the third commercial for Jennifer Garner’s new movie Elektra).

The greeting is no big deal. Kobe walks over to Shaq, they give each other a quick tap of the closed hand and a super quick pat on the back. Kind of. Then they both prepare for the opening tip. Michaels thinks it is a big deal that Shaq did not look Kobe in the eyes.

It's not.

It is easy to find a slight when you are looking for one. Just ask my ex-wife.

In the early going, the Lakers have Chris Mihm guarding Shaq. That’s like letting Woody Allen guard the Korean orphanage.

The Staples Center crowd started its first “Ko-Be! Ko-Be!” chant with 8:20 remaining in the first quarter as he hit his third three-pointer of the game.

ABC shows Nicole Kidman in the stands, then Sugar Ray Leonard sitting next to Sylvester Stallone. Sly is not looking good. I thought it was Frank Stallone until Al Michaels set me straight.

As the second quarter starts, Brian Grant is guarding Shaq. Shaq immediately scores easier than Bill Clinton at an Air-America after-party.

ABC, refusing to take the subtle route, plays the following songs as they go to commercials at different times throughout the game: “Breaking Up is Hard to Do” by Neil Sedaka, “Why Can’t We Be Friends?” by War, “The Way We Were” by Barbra Streisand and “Memory” by Barry Manilow. The songs are accompanied by clips of Shaq and Kobe playing together.

We have a Prince sighting in the stands. He’s a Minneapolis guy, shouldn’t he be at a Timberwolves’ game?

ABC played a few vignettes with different players about their Christmas memories. We learned from Laker Luke Walton that his dad and ABC announcer, Bill, used to wrap up boxes of promotional Power Bars he got for free to give as Christmas presents. Nice, Bill, nice.

Was that a glimpse of Joan and Melissa Rivers in the stands? It is hard to tell with the frequency they have plastic surgery. If it was them, ABC didn’t bother to point them out. The cameras was looking for real stars like Corey Haim and Danny Bonaduce.

At halftime, Heat forward Christian Laettner hits a shot at the buzzer. I had no idea Laettner still played. I thought he had retired years ago. As I look him up on NBA.com, I realize my error.

He had not retired, he was just playing in Washington.

At the halftime break, ABC courtside reporter Michelle Tafoya snags Kobe and asks him about the opening handshake while ABC replays the event on television. In slow motion. Again.

Kobe completely downplays the event like any person with a sense of proportion would do.

After three quarters, the Lakers lead 77-73.

ABC shows Lionel Richey in the stands. For some reason, Lionel is wearing a Gilligan hat. Snoop is also in the house. You know Snoop has the cultivatin' music that be captivatin' me. Snoop is hatless.

For those wondering at home, Al informs us that Jack Nicholson, for some reason, is not in the house. Wherever he is, however, he is wearing sunglasses and with a 98 pound woman 1/3 his age. Jack rocks.

Shaq fouled out of the game with the score tied at 91 and 2:15 remaining in regulation time.

ABC took the opportunity to replay the opening greeting. In slow motion. Again.

There has not been this much ado about nothing since Claudio and Hero conspired to get Benedick and Beatrice married. (This gratuitous and pretentious Shakespeare reference was brought to you by Dennis Miller, wherever he is. We now return to your regularly scheduled nonsense).

We have overtime! Dwyane (yes, that is how he spells his name) Wade misses an opportunity to win the game for Miami as time expires. At the end of regulation, it is 94 all.

In the overtime period, Kobe missed a last second shot to win it for the Lakers.

It's all good, though.

Shaq and Kobe both get to go home happy. Shaq’s team won, so he’s happy. Kobe scored a season high 42, so he’s happy.

Tafoya snagged Shaq after the game. Guess what she asked him. ABC showed the video. Again. In slow motion.

The viewers of this game have now seen the greeting video more than the Warren Commission saw the Zapruder film.

In response to Tafoya’s question about the handshake, Shaq said he “didn’t want to get caught up in all the nonsense you guys create.”

Nonsense? What nonsense?

That's Just Wrong.

Despite what several national media outlets have reported, including ESPN Radio, a federal judge did not uphold an arbitrator’s decision to reduce Indiana Pacer Jermaine O’Neals’ suspension from 25 to 15 games.

The federal judge simply stayed enforcement of the suspension pending a full hearing later.

The sole issue before the federal judge is whether or not the arbitrator had any authority to arbitrate the severity of all the suspensions handed down by NBA Commissioner David Stern.

The federal judge will have absolutely nothing to say about the suspension itself.

The judge will answer a jurisdictional question only.

It is my prediction that the judge will uphold Stern’s absolute authority to discipline players under the terms of the collective bargaining agreement and O’Neal will have to serve the remaining ten games of the suspension.

Do not believe everything the meda reports. Not even ESPN.

Friday, December 24, 2004

Friedman is Correct This Time.

New York Times' columnist Thomas Friedman actually wrote a cogent column in the December 23, 2004 edition of the Times. (That means, of course, that I agree with him for once.)

Friedman sums up the Iraq War:

However this war started, however badly it has been managed, however much you wish we were not there, do not kid yourself that this is not what it is about: people who want to hold a free and fair election to determine their own future, opposed by a virulent nihilistic minority that wants to prevent that. That is all that the insurgents stand for.

Those in Iraq murdering their countrymen are not fighting FOR anything. They are fighting AGAINST freedom.

Even the New York Times recognizes that.

(Friedman's column was reprinted in today's Rocky Mountain News. To use the New York Times' link, you must register with The Times. It is free).
That's Not My Beer.

A Denver police officer, Lt. Timothy Rusk, was arrested by a Jefferson County Deputy for driving while intoxicated.

I have no idea what actually happened, but you have to love it when a cop uses the excuses he has accumulated over the years.

According to Sarah Langbein's story in the Rocky Mountain News today, open beer bottles were found in the console between the driver's seat and the passenger's seat. There was no passenger in the car when Rusk was pulled over.

According to the JeffCo Sheriff's report, the Denver officer said that he was driving a friend's car and the bottles were already in it when he got in to drive it.

Sure. And Carmelo's weed belonged to a friend.

Rusk's lawyer claims that the breath tests administered to his client were corrupted by JeffCo personnel. His client "got screwed by the incompentence of the JeffCo sheriff's office."

What happened to the Code of Silence? I did not think cops were supposed to turn on other cops.

Or does that thin blue line get erased when a cop's own ass is in a sling and he thinks he can save himself by calling out his brethren?

That's a nice convenient code. Fellow cops can do no wrong as long as the public is getting screwed by the incompetence. But when a cop thinks he's getting screwed, he can start singing like it's Amateur Night at the Apollo.

Do-Re-Mi, Lt. Rusk.

And tell that friend to clean out his car.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

His head is where?

Denver Post columnist Terry Frei sat in for Irv Brown this afternoon on KKFN 950 The Fan.

Terry mixed it up with Irv's usual partner, Joe Williams, and the conflict made for good radio.

Terry and Joe disagreed on the future of the Colorado University football program.

At one point, Terry said that some CU fans have their "heads in the sand."

Joe vehemently replied that he didn't have his head in the sand.

Terry was polite.

An impolite person might have said that everyone knows Joe does not have his head in the sand, since it is too far up Gary Barnett's backside already.

But only an impolite person would think of such a thing.
Say What?

A teenage girl is suing to stop the distribution of a video game that uses an image of her topless.

She was 17 at the time she agreed to appear in the video used in the game, but now at the more mature 18 she has had second thoughts.

Her lawyer, Jim McClendon, says that she was too young to give valid consent at the time the video was shot, and wants the images removed from the game before it is distributed.

"We're just trying to nip it where it is now," McClendon said.

Nice choice of words, counselor.

She must have been happy to get the whole thing off her chest.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Bad Writing.

Writers should never use the words "arguably," "ubiquitous," or "plethora."

Anything worth writing about is arguable. Therefore, arguably, the word adds nothing to a description.

"Ubiquitous" is a big word. There is another word that is just as good but not as pretentious. Nevertheless, the word "ubiquitous" is everywhere. It is also widespread.

Like "ubiquitous," "plethora" is a good word for the SAT, but little else. There is an excess, profusion and abundance of those who use "plethora" too much.
What year is it, Jim?

The Denver Post's Jim Armstrong must be on vacation already. His column today quotes Jerry Seinfeld from about eight years ago:

Jerry Seinfeld, on this crazy, mixed-up sports world of ours: "The players change teams, the teams move from city to city. The only thing that stays the same is the uniforms. We're literally rooting for laundry."

Tomorrow, expect quotes from Henny Youngman and Bob Hope.
Cornering the Market on the Williamses.

Now that the Toronto Raptors have dumped Vince Carter and gotten Aaron Williams and Eric Williams in return, the Raptors have 38% of all the Williams in the NBA.

Aaron and Eric join Alvin in Toronto.