Is Rehab Next?

Near the end the Alabama - Florida State football game, one of the announcers called Tide defensive back Kareem Jackson "Kendall Jackson."

I wonder if he was contemplating what he was going to do after the game? Maybe a little wine?

The Discovery Channel Proves It

The television show "Myth Busters" on the Discovery Channel runs experiments on different popular premises.

I am watching the show right now about humid baseballs versus dry baseballs. This applies to the humidor at Coors Field.

They did some really excellent science stuff, and determined that dry baseballs went much further than humid baseballs. There you go.

Colorado is a dry state. A high desert, if you will. If you leave baseballs out in the Denver air, they get dry. If you put them in a humidor, where they keep the same moisture as they would at sea level, they stay moist, just like they do in New York, Boston, Miami, Houston, San Diego, Seattle, etc.

Think about it. A dry apple gets hard. A humid apple stays soft, and tasty. Which would you rather have?

P.S. They also did some experiments on corked bats during the same show. They concluded that a corked bat deadens the ball when it hits it. Ergo, corking a bat is a bad idea.

P.P.S. They also proved there is no such thing as a "rising fastball." A fastball may not drop as much as a different pitch, but it does not actually rise.

THEY WILL BE PARTYING IN BOULDER TONIGHT

Well, they party in Boulder every night, but tonight they have a good reason.

They Buffs beat the Oklahoma Sooners, the third ranked team in the entire United States of America, 27-24.

Just this morning, I told my friends that the Buffs would be embarrassed. The Sooners were prohibitive favorites. I said they should be extra-prohibitive favorites.

I said a smart bettor should take the Sooners and lay three touchdowns.

I was wrong. So was America. No one, unless they graduated from CU, were employed by CU, or had a son playing football for CU, thought they could cover. Not only did they cover, they won. Outright. Over the third ranked team in the country.

This is the beginning of the Dan Hawkins era. Hawkins made the Boise State Broncos a team that could compete with the national elite.

Now, the Colorado Buffaloes can do the same. This is the biggest win in Boulder since Bill McCartney’s daughter was getting to know the team. (Okay, that’s a gratuitous cheap shot. I apologize.)

The Buffs may not even finish over .500 this year. It will not matter. They beat the Sooners.

Dan Hawkins can bring that score with him to every recruit he visits. They will listen. He can coach. He will get the Buffs ranked again. Next year, perhaps. The year after that for sure.

If you saw the game, you saw the beginning of an era.

"Classic?"

Flipping through the cable channels, I come across the listing "Classic College Football."

I selected the channel and there it was. A game between Air Force and TCU, late in the fourth quarter.

It was a nailbiter, with the score TCU 38, Air Force 14.

Since it was not an exciting game, perhaps they meant it was an old game? Nope, this game was played in 2006.

A New Oxymoron

"Anecdotal Evidence."

Adam Cayton-Holland writes the "What's So Funny?" column for Westword. Usually, that is an excellent question.

This week, one of his sentences jumped out at me. He wrote:

In college, I can remember one of those late-night, dorm-room, red-wine group conversations where everyone talks about where they're from, and somehow the conversation drifted to playground antics.

This begs the question - "Who-in-the-hell drank red wine in college?"

I can imagine the conversation about which Cayton-Holland writes. He is in a dark dorm room with several of his friends, all of whom also have hyphenated last names. The smell of clove cigarettes competes with incense, as if anything can prevent their collective black turtlenecks and berets from smelling like wet ash in the morning.

Party on, Adam.

The One Year Old Party of the Year

Larry Birkhead, genetically proven to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby Dannielynn, threw an elaborate birthday party for his one-year girl.

"My daughter had a really, really good time," Larry said.

She is one year old, Larry. Her idea of a good time is a dry diaper.

SPOILER - 3:10 to Yuma

If you have not seen the movie, do not read this post.

----

Some critics don't understand the ending. They have said that there is
no good explanation for Ben Wade's actions at the end of the movie.

I disagree. The guy was charming, educated. And a psychopathic killer.
He liked playing mind games. He thought he was so far superior to
everyone else, killing them was his prerogative.

He played mind games with his captors. He asked them probing questions
about their personal lives. He made them uncomfortable. He enjoyed
that.

He took a liking to Dan Evans. That's why he, in essence, went along
to the train with him when he did not have to.

Remember, he killed his compadre in the beginning because he was
"weak." Dan, at least on this day, was not weak. Ben liked that.

In his mind, Ben had nothing to lose by getting on the train. He was
just playing along. He had escaped from Yuma prison twice before. He
was going to escape again. Once he summoned his horse, we realize he
probably was going to escape the train before the credits finished
rolling.

Why did he kill his gang? They put themselves at risk to rescue him.
That's weakness. Just like the compadre he killed early in the movie,
he killed the rest of them for their weakness.

It is spelled out for us, the viewers. After the gang realizes they
have been duped by the coach and burned it, one gang member questions
why they should bother to go after their leader. He got himself
caught.

Ben would have agreed with that guy.

Speaking of Spoilers

Hey, at least I gave you a warning.

Here is the first sentence of The New Yorker's review:

At the bloody end of “3:10 to Yuma,” virtually all the surviving characters, not to mention a variety of strangers, get shot at point-blank range.

Well, thanks for letting us know.

The Not Ready for FSN Network

Carter Blackburn and Brian Jones broadcast the North Carolina at East Carolina football game on CSTV.

With less than a minute to go in the tie game, the Heels lined up for a 51 yard field goal attempt for the lead. They are within the range of their kicker, Connor Barth.

The attempt failed. According to Blackburn and Jones, Tar Heel head coach Butch Davis called for a fake that failed.

Except he did not. The holder dropped the ball, got up to try and run and was tackled. That is not a fake. That is a “busted play.”

The two morons in the booth never corrected their call. In fact, they referred to it as a fake on several more occasions. Perhaps they felt like Bill Parcells called a fake on the Dallas Cowboys’ last play of the playoffs last year when the ball slipped through Tony Romo’s hands.

It is not just the fault of Blackburn and Jones for not paying attention. Someone talks to those guys in their headset. Someone should have corrected them.

But it gets worse.

After the game, Blackburn throws it back to the CSTV “Field House” where two clowns lounge on a couch in untucked dress shorts.

Clown number one is Scott Zolak, former Maryland quarterback from the 1980’s. He said “I tell you what, they are not paying Butch Davis to come to North Carolina to make stupid coaching decisions like that. . . . That is stupid.”

Apparently, Scott, they pay you to make stupid comments. Next time, watch the game before you open your piehole and stick your boot in it.

Clown number two, Adam Zucker, just sat there.

"Do You Know Who I Am?"

According to this week's edition of The Economist, Idaho Senator Larry Craig, who pled guilty to "disorderly conduct" for what appeared to be a solicitation for a little homosexual action, "tried to impress the policeman who arrested him by whipping out his Senate card and declaring 'What do you think about that?'"

Apparently not much, Senator Craig.

P.S. Nice choice of words by The Economist with the "whipping out" reference. Cleavon Little would be proud.

The Post Ties it Up

As of 5:01 p.m. Monday, the Denver Post had posted the news on its website that Simeon Rice had signed with the Broncos.

The News latest news was that Rice had visited Denver on Sunday but had not yeat agreed to a contract with any team.

Rocky Mountain News Beats the Denver Post

As I type this, the Rocky Mountain News has posted the Denver Broncos final cuts on its website.

The Denver Post has not.

This is the type of thing the internet is perfect for. The Denver Post has failed to keep its readers up to date. The Rocky Mountain News succeeded.

Out of the Blue and Into the Black

The Appalachian State punter is named Neil Young.

He transferred from Wingate to Appalachian State.

The Wingate Bulldogs are blue. The Appalachian State Mountaineers are black.

My my hey hey.

Why FSN is a Minor Network

FSN covered the Colorado-Colorado State football game today.

At one point, CSU receiver Johnny Walker was flagged for an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. FSN did not show a single replay of the penalty. We had no idea what Walker had done, and neither did the announcers. It was not as if Walker was on the other side of the field, away from the ball. He was carrying the ball, got tackled, then he was flagged. FSN never showed what happened.

Later, CSU was flagged for either roughing the punter or running into the punter. I'm not sure which one, because the announcers never mentioned it. Either way, it gave the Buffs a first down, and I was not paying enough attention to notice the yardage. If you want me to pay attention, why do you pay announcers? I could turn down the sound and not know what happened. If I'm listening to the announcers and don't know what happened, what is the point?

FSN did not show the ref make the announcement (either he did not have a microphone or it was not working) or walk off the penalty.

Neither did they even mention that the guy flagged for the penalty was blocked into the general direction of the punter. It was certainly worthy of at least a mention.

FSN, The Not Ready for ESPN Network.