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Friday, November 30, 2007

Tolerance

Many Americans preach "tolerance."

If really want to be tolerant, shouldn't we let the Sudanese execute Gillian Gibbons, the British teacher that let her Sudanese students name a teddy bear "Muhammed?" After all, she insulted their religion.

It is the Sudanese religion, we should be tolerant of their beliefs, right? Who are to judge? We think that just because we are Americans we are better than them? That we are superior?

Hell yes, we are. They are ignorant, and there is no reason to tolerate their barbarism.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Really Keepin' It Real

Kansas City Star and Foxsports.com columnist Jason Whitlock has a lot to say to the "black community" concerning NFL player Sean Taylor's death, including

You're damn straight I blame hip hop for playing a role in the genocide of American black men. When your leading causes of death and dysfunction are murder, ignorance and incarceration, there's no reason to give a free pass to a culture that celebrates murder, ignorance and incarceration.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Worst Gift Ever

I kid you not. The MANGROOMER exists. I first heard about it on a radio commercial. Then, I went to the website.

I am not sure that was a good idea.

The MANGROOMER is billed as "the essential do-it-yourself electric back shaver." Thankfully, it does not add "for men." That is implicit in the title.

The MANGROOMER is obviously necessary because men with hairy backs do not have a girlfriend to assist them with their backshaving. Hence, a "do-it-yourself" model.

The MANGROOMER t is "fully extendable and adjustable . . . to reach even the most difficult middle and lower portions of the back." No one needs this visual image. Unfortunately, I now have it.

The MANGROOMER boasts a "sleek compact design," unlike most of its purchasers. Do skinny guys even have excessive back hair? I guess some questions are better left unanswered.

The MANGROOMER claims it will "spark up your romance." Doesn't this assume one already has a romance? That is a major assumption among the target audience here.

The MANGROOMER also claims it will help its users produce "less sweat [and] body odor." That is an excellent start on sparking up a romance, for sure.

The MANGROOMER will help improve your "muscle definition." Unfortunately, it also helps to improve one's back fat definition. This does not help spark up a romance. Back fat is not good, unless you are looking for a good BBQ joint.

The MANGROOMER is in stores now, in time for the holidays.

Contradiction

Stephen A. Smith just finished his ESPN Radio show. He spent the hour discussing the shooting and death of NFL player Sean Taylor. It is a sad event, and Smith discussed how the "black community" should respond.

Among other things, he talked about how the "thug life" should not be glamorized.

It was a healthy discussion.

Then, when his show was over, the song "In Da Club" by 50 Cent played as the closing bump.

The song includes the lyrics

When I pull out up front, you see the Benz on dubs
When I roll 20 deep, it's 20 knives in the club*


If you don't want to glamorize the thug life, should you play a song that does just that?

* Translation: When I arrive a the club and park out front, my Mercedes Benz has very large rims/ When my entourage includes 20 of my friends, each of them will be carrying a knife.

These are my people...

I am a native of Arkansas. My parents live there as do most of my cousins and extended family. My dad still follows the Razorbacks.

ESPN.com writer Gene Wojchiechowski, in his most recent article, discusses "overrated coaching jobs." He includes the recently vacated Arkansas football job because of a "limited in-state recruiting base [and] psycho fan expectations."

Yep, these are my people.

Monday, November 26, 2007

N.Y. Times Article on My Favorite Street in Denver

... Not for the reasons Denny Neagle liked it, either.

Civics Lesson for An Elected Official (Or "Separation of Powers for Beginners")

The Georgia Supreme Court overturned a state ban on where convicted sex offenders could live.

The Court said “Under the terms of that statute, it is apparent that there is no place in Georgia where a registered sex offender can live without being continually at risk of being ejected."

If an offender found a legal place to live, then later a school (or other place where children might congregate) was built, the law required the offender to move.

According to the New York Times, "State Representative Jerry Keen, a Republican who sponsored the legislation, said the court had superseded the will of both the legislative and executive branches of Georgia’s government."

Yep, Representative Keen, that is what courts do sometime, especially when the legislative and executive branches wish to do something unconstitutional. It's kinda what the court is supposed to do.

Monday, November 19, 2007

More Reasons to Hate the New England Patriots














As I was watching the Patriots slice Rocky Mountain Oysters off Buffalo on Sunday Night Football, I realized that watching New England win is not fun for anyone except their fans.

I mean, come on, no one cheered when the newly named Darth Vader destroyed all the Jedi Younglings near the end of "Revenge of the Sith" did they? Only the Emperor was happy.

And speaking of the Emperor, he wore a hoodie just like Bill Belichick.

And just what is the derivation of the name Belichick? Let's break it down. "Beli" is from the Latin, meaning "war." For example, one can be bellicose or belligerent. If one is belligerent, one is "inclined to assertiveness, hostility, or combativeness." That's our Bill. (Have you ever seen such a miserable sonuvabitch? And why? He is at the top of his profession and makes millions of dollars. Yep, I'd be pissed off all the time, too.)

"Chick," of course, means either a baby chicken or a female.

Thus, Belichick means either 1) war-like, infant poultry or 2) a hostile woman.

I am not sure which one is scarier.

But I do know that everyone cheered when the Emperor died in Return of the Jedi. Evil will be defeated, even if it takes out a couple of planets before it is hurled into a huge reactor shaft, where its "body will explode in a fury of dark energy."

Another Example of Why You Can Trust the Governmnet

The FBI used now-discredited science to help convict hundreds of people over several decades.

Once they discovered the mistake, they did not immediately undertake a review of the cases to determine if the junk science put innocent people in prison.

Not until 60 Minutes showed up.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Giants-Cowboys

First, the Giants are wearing red jerseys. The Giants should never wear red jerseys. The Giants are blue. Red makes no sense.

Second, Joe Buck is the play by play announcer. Just to be clear, this Joe Buck has nothing to do with "Midnight Cowboy." Joe just commented on a long Giant kickoff return that was called back due to a holding call. Joe said the long run was "negated" due to the penalty. Maybe, maybe not.

If the hold allowed the runner to break free, the hold did not negate the long run. It was the cause of it. And that's why it was called back. Yes, a penalty may have nothing to do with the run. The penalty could be on the other side of the field.

Yet, I have never heard an NFL or college announcer mention that a penalty is what allowed a big play. I have heard them mention that a penalty had nothing to do with the play, but not the other way around.

Buck should have at least asked the question. He did not.

Trust Us. It Worked for the Indians.

Privacy no longer can mean anonymity, says Donald Kerr, the principal deputy director of national intelligence. Instead, it should mean that government and businesses properly safeguards people's private communications and financial information.
From the Associated Press

Of course. Trust the government. Trust business.

First, government is corrupt. Trust it all you want, just be prepared to lose whatever you are trusting it with.

Second, business' job is not to look out for the individual's interest. No one is more capitalist than I am, but business does not succeed because its primary responsibility is watching out for the little guy. Business succeeds if it can give the little guy goods and services cheaply and efficiently. Even if business was supposed to look out for the individual, business has, on occasion, been corrupt.

We can trust the government and business to "properly safeguards people's private communications and financial information" shortly after Osama bin Laden converts to Judaism.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Forced Busing

Boston Celtic coach Doc Rivers recently said[t]he best players always have to carry the team bus."

I can understand them having to “carry the team,” but the whole bus? What is wrong with the bus? Does it break down frequently? Do they have no spare tires? I really think they should join AAA or something.

And why are the Celtics on a bus at all? I figured NBA teams would travel by plane. Sure, they might have to take a bus from the airport to the arena, but would that really be a “team” bus? The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars and Motor Kings had a team bus. They owned it, they drove it, and they maintained it.

However, the bus from the airport to the arena would probably be rented. If it broke down, I sure as hell would not carry it anywhere. I would make the bus company come out and either fix it (pronto!), or bring me a replacement bus.

And what kind of shape are your best players going to be in after carrying the bus to the arena? Even if it broke down just a few blocks from the arena, carrying it would have to wear you out. I think it would negatively affect the play of the guys doing the carrying.

I’m just sayin’…

NO PEACE UNLESS NO STINK!

So, the University of Colorado at Boulder liberals want to take away another liberty. They are considering banning smoking on campus. Not just inside, but outside, as well.

Akilah Spencer, a 21 year old junior studying integrated physiology, was quoted in the Rocky Mountain News: “I think [a ban] would be great. I hate walking around campus and smelling smoke. I just don’t really like the smell of it.”

Well, there you have it. If you don’t like the smell of something, ban it. I’m all in favor of this logic. I am starting a campaign right now to ban Brussels sprouts, patchouli, and Lindberger cheese.

College Basketball Name of the Year

Alabama State has a 7-foot-1 center named Chief Kickingstallionsims.

I think he's Irish.

Other great college hoop names: Kosta Koufos (another 7-foot-one center) from Ohio State and Longar Longar from Oklahoma.

(Thanks to Kieran Darcy of ESPN.com for the link.)

"Snow" Angels?

Mile High Sports Magazine, the best local magazine in the Denver area, is allowing readers to vote on the cover girl for its annual cheesecake edition.

Ever since Sports Illustrated's first swimsuit edition, magazines have used scantily clad females to sell magazines. MHSM does the same. It calls its version of the swimsuit edition "Snow Angels."

Go here to gawk and vote. I did.

For some reason, and despite the name, not ONE of the angels is actually in the snow.

C'mon! Let's see some chicks in bikinis skiing! Building a snowman! Having a snowball fight! Where is the snow?!

Just a Gigolo

Heidi Fleiss is trying to open a brothel in Nevada that caters only to women. She is looking for male talent to "service" (her word) female clients.

While potential gigolos might have grandiose Joe Buck-like* fantasies, I imagine most clients of this brothel will look more like Hillary Clinton than Hilary Swank, more like Helen Thomas than Helen Hunt, more like Rosie O'Donnell than Rose McGowan and more like Jim Carrey than Mariah Carey, more like George Lopez than Jennifer Lopez, more like Tony Kornheiser than Toni Braxton, more like Michael Richards than Denise Richards, Barry Bonds than Halle Berry . . . you get the idea.

I'm just sayin'. . .

* This is a reference to the Jon Voight character in Midnight Cowboy, not the baseball announcer. To my knowledge, the baseball announcer has never accepted money for sex. In implication otherwise is expressly disavowed.

An Actual Headline from USAToday

As of the time I post this entry, USAToday online has this headline:

"Report: Abstinence not curbing teen sex"

Well, if abstinence does not curb sex, nothing will.

In other news: "Drought not curbing precipitation," "Silence not curbing noise," and "Death not curbing life."

Monday, November 05, 2007

Colorado and College Hoops

ESPN.com's Pat Forde mentions two Colorado teams in his college hoop preview:

First, he predicts that the University of Northern Colorado will be one of the five worst teams in the country.

Then, he says that new Colorado coach Jeff Bzdelik "Will be an immediate bench upgrade from Ricardo Patton."

Did He Expect a Shipment of Funyons at 2:15?

Young actor Shia LaBeouf was recently arrested for trespassing after refusing a request to leave a Chicago Walgreens at 2 in the morning.

Walgreens? Why would anyone insist on remaining in a drug store at 2 a.m.? I can see perhaps stubbornly refusing to leave a party, or a club, or a bar. But a Walgreens?

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Send These Broncos to the Glue Factory

With the score 37-0 and eight minutes left in the fourth quarter for the Lions to finish off the Broncos' carcass, it is apparent.

The Broncos can put away their organizational hubris about competing for the Super Bowl every year. They need to rebuild. They must let go of the past and prepare for the future.

And the future is not now. It is not next year. It probably ain't the year after that.

The offensive line is old and injured. See you later, Matt Lepsis. Adios, Tom Nalen. Thanks for the memories. You've been great. We'll see you in five years for your Ring of Honor induction.

Sayonara, Rod Smith. We'll always have the pizza, and we'll see you up there next to John Elway in five years.

Go long, John Lynch. Good bye, Nick Ferguson. Au revoir, Ian Gold.

It is time for a new era. The old era is dead.

Put the War Horses out to stud. They've earned it.

Bring out the young colts (not to be confused with the Indianapolis Colts), and let's see what they can do.

This season is over. Time to lay the foundation for the future.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

This is a sad and a beautiful movie.

The cinematography is mostly grays and browns, with the edges of the screen often blurred. The camera, on occasion, follows the action through old, distorted windows, like the ones that existed in the 1880's. The effect is akin to one remembering something that once was vivid, but at the same time realizing the details have been forgotten, or distorted, with time.

After all, the film is not a documentary. It is not about the historical Jesse James. It is a movie. A movie about a legend.

Jesse James was, quite literally, a living legend. The young Robert Ford idolized him. James, who often went by the alias Thomas Howard, was the subject of dime store novels and fantastic news accounts. Ford read them all. Ford was in love with the legend.

There are obvious modern day parallels to the media and the creation of idols. But the movie is less about how the media creates popular icons and distorts the truth, and more about sadness.

Jesse is at times gregarious. At others, cruelly violent. The only time he might be happy is when he is with his two young children.

Ford is never happy. He is always striving to be liked. At first by Jesse. Then by those that want Jesse dead.

Killing the legend, despite his hopes, did not make him liked. It certainly did not make him happy.

In the movie, it is clear that Jesse is tired of the sadness.

He knows what Ford is going to do. He lets him do it. Jesse's sadness ends, and Ford is condemned.

Condemned as the man who shot the legend in the back. While a guest in his house. With his wife in the next room.

Ford assassinated the bad man, and did the bad man a favor. In the process, he perpetuated the bad man's legend and sentenced himself forever as "the dirty little coward that shot Mr. Howard and laid poor Jesse in his grave."

(You've heard that pop song, I imagine. Bob Dylan, Pete Seeger and Bruce Springsteen have all recorded it. Ford heard it, too, before a man looking to be the guy that killed the guy that killed The Legend, unloaded a shotgun into Ford in a saloon in Creede, Colorado.)

Brad Pitt, as Jesse James, demonstrates he is one of the best actors alive today. His blue eyes alone convey more sadness, loneliness and emptiness than most actors can convey during a soliloquy.

Casey Affleck, as Robert Ford, shows he has potential. While faint praise, Casey is by far a better actor than his brother Ben.

This is my favorite movie of the year so far.

What Would Jesus Do? Indeed.


Gay pastor seeks wholeness
Defying his church's code of silence, a pastor came out. Now shunned, he charts a new course.

I grew up in the Southern Baptist Church. I have read the Bible. All of it.

Jesus never shunned anyone.

From the Paper That Likes the Governor . . .

It's not a good sign for the governor when the liberal Denver paper blasts you for being too liberal.

Check out this language from today's Denver Post front page Sunday editorial about Colorado governor Bill Ritter's decision to issue an executive order allowing state workers to unionize:

When Coloradans elected Bill Ritter as governor, they thought they were getting a modern-day version of Roy Romer, a pro-business Democrat. Instead, they got Jimmy Hoffa.

...
now we know he's simply a toady to labor bosses...a bag man for unions ...

His promise to usher in a new era of collaborative government . . . was nothing more than a sham. . . .

A governor with such early promise has squandered his future in order to keep his backroom promises to a few union bosses. . . .

Wow. I doubt the Rocky Mountain News, the "conservative" Denver paper, will be as harsh.

I just goes to show ya: The spurned lover is more dangerous than the woman that never really liked you that much in the beginning.