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Friday, August 08, 2008

Olympics Opening Ceremonies

BlueCarp's running commentary...

* I'm I the only that finds the message "Welcome My Friends" on the big scoreboard of a stadium built by an oppressive Communist dictatorship a bit ironic?

* Now I find it ironic that NBC, a major capitalist organization, is having technological problems and can't give me any sound. Obviously, the government needs to nationalize the media.

* More irony: The Chinese symbol for "harmony" is a running theme in the program designed by the oppressive Communist dictatorship. "You will be in harmony or we will kill you."

* The commies are putting on quite an impressive spectacle. There is no limit to how people can be inspired by the threat of death. "Smile or die."

* NBC's technical difficulties continue. Somehow, over on the CW, Vince McMahon can get Friday Night Smackdown! on the air without difficulty. Put Vince in charge of NBC.

* The commies are putting on quite a spectacle, but it's not as good as Cats. Let's see Andrew Lloyd Webber put on an Olympics. Now that would be a show.

* I can't help but look for Kung Fu Panda.

* The tribute to foot binding was cut from the final production at the last minute.

* We learn during the procession of nations that the island of Vanautu is where James Michener was stationed when he wrote "Tales of the South Pacific."

* Hong Kong has its own team, separate from China. What's up with that? Didn't the British cede control back to China?

* Why is there an old white dude with that African team? Is he a coach? An immigrant? Well, more power to you, old white dude.

* I like the teams wearing big, flowing robes. Those things look comfortable. I'm gonna get me one of those. Kinda like the Dude. ('cause he abides.)

* They finally explained why the teams are not coming out in alphabetical order. It's because they don't speak English in China.

* GW and Laura Bush are in the stands. W checked his watch. "Damn, Laura, how many more countries are coming out? Sheesh. And why aren't they in alphabetical order? Hey, Scooter, get me one of those Chinese beers."

* Niger has only one athlete competing. He gets to carry the flag. It was a unanimous vote.

* Guess what Bermuda is wearing? Shorts.

* We learn that in 1936 Lichtenstein and Haiti had identical flags. What are the odds?

* Croatia is dressed like they work at Checkers.

* The United Arab Emirates has women on the team for the first time ever. They just happen to be the daughters of the Prime Minister.

* There is a line of Chinese women on the infield clapping in rhythm for the entire parade. They have been doing this for over an hour. I wonder how much they are getting paid? Oh yeah, they are Chinese, they get nothing and LIKE IT. It's a Workers' Paradise.

* The Polish women are dressed like they are going to the prom. But at least they are dressed like women. See below...

* And ahoy polloi! What happened to the U.S. women's outfits? Did FedEx not get them there in time? They must have had extra clothes for the men, becuase the women are wearing guys' clothes. Nothing says "female" like slacks, a blue blazer and an ascot. Where did they come from, a scotch ad?

*Yes, that's a Caddyshack reference.

* Ralph Lauren designed the U.S. team's clothes. Their stock is going to fall when the markets open. I mean, really, an ascot? It's bad enough for the men, but for the women? And the newsboy hats? With the hat and ascot, the U.S. looks like they are on their way to deliver papers to the Great Gatsby's house.

* The U.S. outfit is eight pieces, which is six more than the women volleyball players will be wearing when they compete.

* Bob Costas informs us that China has only one time zone. Television is educational.

* I can't quite figure out the random playing of bagpipes between traditional Chinese music. Bagpipes?

* Watching the Chinese military guys goosestep the Olympic flag over to the flag pole was a little unnerving.

* The grand finale included a massively elaborate fireworks show. Makes sense. Chinese invented 'em.

1 comment:

  1. What, you didn't touch on the whole Tiawan thing? I would have been delighted to see the athletes hit the parade of nations and, once far enough from the entrance to be seen by all, dropping the damn chinese taipai flags and whipping Tiawanese flags out of their sleeves. What could China have done, with the whole world watching?

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