Live blogging the US v Slovenia World Cup match

Not a minute into the game, a Slovenian gets bonked in the head by Clint Dempsey and rolls around on the ground like he’s the victim of Sarin gas. Get up, son!

The South African vuvuzela’s aren’t that big a deal. They are white noise. I’ve been to a football game with Mississippi State fans and their obnoxious cow bells. I’ll take a South African’s plastic horn over a Mississippi redneck’s bovine clanger every time.

The white sash on the U.S. jerseys is reminiscent of a pageant queen. I don’t think that’s the look they are shooting for.

The zig zag on the Slovenian jerseys is reminiscent of Charlie Brown’s t-shirt. Charles Schulz must be big in Slovenia.

Yay solar!!! Among the electronic ads alongside the pitch is a sign for “Yingli Solar.” Having never heard of them before, I undertook extensive research by entering the name into Google. I discovered that Yingli is a Chinese company that makes solar panels. They sell lots of them in the US. Of course, a buyer in the US has his purchase subsidized by various tax incentives and credits.

Therefore, by subsidizing the American buyer of Chinese solar panels, the American policy puts taxpayer directly money into an oppressive communist tyranny. It’s for the children!

Thirteen minutes into the game, Slovenia’s Birsa scores from about 100 yards away on a laser shot. The US is down in the sport where the phrase “an insurmountable one goal lead” exists.

According to the announcer, you can fit 485 Slovenias into the geographic size of the US. In the announcing business, this is called "killing time."

We just got a shot of an obese shirtless man drinking a beer in the stands. He had on no identifying paraphernalia, but was obviously an American. We lead the world in shirtless fat guys. In fact, we export more shirtless fat guys than China exports solar panels.

In the 35^th minute, Slovenia gets a yellow card giving the US a direct kick near the box. Jose Torres’ excellent shot is deflected by the Slovenian keeper. The best chance yet for the US to score. Alas, to no avail.

The US is falling apart. Slovenia scares on a breakaway in the 41^st minute. It is now 2-0 Slovenia in the first half. This is the football equivalent of being down 112-0 in the first half.

According to announcer John Harkes, the US “is in a bit of a hole.” Yeah, like Uma Thurman was in a bit of hole in Kill Bill part 2. She dug her way out. It will take an equal effort for the US to do the same here.

At halftime, he British play by play guy says the US “has a huge mountain to climb.” What is it? Are they in a hole or do they have a mountain to climb?

How will the US respond? Will they quit and lose 4-0? Or will they fight back and only lose 2-1?

They aired a commercial for the new movie “Jonah Hex.” Boy, does that look bad. Josh Broslin went from “No Country for Old Men” to “Jonah Hex.” There hasn’t been a follow up as bad since Louis Gossett followed up “An Officer and a Gentlemen” with “Enemy Mine.”

IN THE 47TH MINUTE LANDON DONOVAN MAKES IT A GAME!!! The score is now 2-1

A Slovenian goes down with a bump. Four emergency medical personnel in bright yellow raincoats come out with a stretcher to attend to him. If Obamacare is as good as World Cup care, we will all be fine.

Frankly, I’m glad the US does not participate in the “cry like an 8-year-old girl with a skinned knee whenever bumped” mentality that permeates the sport.

Is it just me, or does US goalkeeper Tim Howard look a bit like Vin Diesel?

GOOOOOAAAAALLLLL - Michael Bradley ties it up for the US 2-2

So they dug out of the hole AND then climbed the mountain.

A third US goal is disallowed on a “horrible” call by the referee.

“The referee has had a bit of a nightmare here, and I can speak as a neutral Englishman.”

And it’s a final: a 2-2 draw.